Connection, we all need it.
I remember when I had my first baby 22 years ago, after going from being a busy salon owner and career woman, to a stay-at-home mum. Not only was it a real identity shift, but the feeling of isolation was huge.
I absolutely LOVED being a mum - I still do! But it was so different from the independence of being in business, and chatting all day with my colleagues and clients. I had minimal adult connection and conversation, and I was lonely. Back then, we didn’t have social media, and as much as that can be a highly addictive distraction, I believe it helps people stay connected in ways you would not be able to if it didn’t exist.
The problem with feeling lonely, or isolated, is unless time alone is used wisely, with ‘focussed’ attention, for example, being ‘deliberate’ with whatever task we are doing, or maybe listening to a good podcast or music, meditating, or reading - it reinforces the feeling of loneliness. ‘Too much time to think’ is what I often hear from clients, such as farmers, or truck drivers doing long hours on the tractor or in the truck.
But it's not only that, we need to feel seen, heard and understood in order to ‘really’ connect and not everyone is skilled in that.
We weren’t taught that stuff in school.
Often it’s a simple lack of communication that can feel like a big wall or ‘disconnect’ between us and another person, or maybe that the other person is ‘wrong’ (I’m sure you know what I mean).
The beauty of connection is, that once it’s established in any given moment, it’s a very positive thing. Healthy change can take place quickly, in relationships, respect is felt, trust is built, and we feel open to conversation, and that in turn, reinforces deeper connection.
Did you know that connection is a core human need? It’s literally an innate need that we all crave one way or another. Some of us, of course, see it as far less a priority, for various reasons, but for those of us who highly value it - it is something we simply could not live without. It is a core need we ‘must’ meet in one way or another, and we will meet it either positively, neutrally, or negatively.
Humans are not designed to live in isolation, that’s why we struggle so much when we feel lonely, and although it’s not often talked about freely it is a serious thing.
Think about it - back in cavemen days, if we were kicked out of the tribe we probably would have frozen, or starved to death. Although that’s not likely to happen these days, our primal brain responds as if in survival and it almost ‘feels’ the same.
The most important part of all this is - we need to learn how to connect to ourselves, so we are actually OK with being on our own. We can do that, by giving ourselves compassion and speaking kindly to ourselves rather than judging or berating. Nurturing ourselves when we are on our own, as you would a best friend or good mate. Valuing our time, and learning to be present in the moment, is the best gift we can give ourselves, as well as the people we love.
Reach out if you’d like to know more, I’d love to help you on your journey.
There’s so much we can learn.
Mandy x
